Today I am sad.

It still seems like yesterday. There I was, 6 months pregnant, in a boat. Did I really want to be there? Nah. But my friend, Chris talked me into it. He said I needed to get out of the house. Heath was working, I had nothing better to do. But I was pregnant, I argued. He assured me that I’d still be the cutest gal on the lake, especially with my little belly poking out from under the plain white tank top I was sporting that afternoon. So I lathered my nose, and my belly, with sunscreen and loaded up in his truck with him and Kristy. We had the best time that day. Just relaxing in the sun and watching everyone ride jet skis and fish. Chris even got a ticket from the game warden. No, not for having a whale in his boat (me), but for lack of a registration card. But he didn’t let that ruin the day. That was Chris. Always smiling, always making me laugh. Always, always, taking care of me and looking out for me. He was my big brother. My friend. My confidant. I miss him so much, everyday. But for some reason, today…I can’t get him out of my mind. I have been on the verge of tears all day and I just can’t quite put my finger on what it is that seems so much more heart-wrenching about today compared to any other day. Nothing about his “story” has changed. He went away to war in Iraq and never returned home. Heath and I lost a friend. Pat lost a son. Dawn and Kyle lost a brother. Kristy lost a fiancé. But, today…it feels like the first night we found out. I’ll never forget that night. And today, all of those emotions are flooding back in. It’s been nearly four years, and the emotional floodgate has been opened. I love you Chris.